i toe the line of self-indulgence / every time I place my pen / upon the page and form the words / i felt but couldn’t show ‘til then | |
you know how i've loved you. how i loved you. but the memory of that love isn't enough to keep me here. i won't tell you, "it's not you, it's me," because it is you. you who have become too materialistic, too ready to nudge me off your list of priorities for a new suit, a new iPod, a new netbook; you who used to talk about us and our friends and our thoughts and our world, and who now talk about markets and bargains and figures--i don't know you anymore. you've changed so much (and i don't think it's for the better), and i'm sick of coming home to a stranger glued to a home shopping channel. so i'm moving out. yes, we'll remain friends. yes, i'll still tell you about my life, show you pictures i took, send you notes. and yes, yes, yes, i'll buy from you, okay? jeez, how can you talk about that when i'm dumping you! well, goodbye then, i've found a new home. 
[image credit] 1. salary delayed for one and a half months resulting to: displeased reactions from various family members ranging from mocking joking to half-meant exclamations of “so anong silbi mo samin?” to treatises on ethics, professionalism, and why i should look for another job; outstanding debts to mother (technically, to father, because he’s the one earning the moolah), of which i am reminded by mother every half day, as if i would run away from it, as if i could. 2. rejection letter from the national youth commission regarding application for much-coveted, much-anticipated cultural exchange program despite admiring comments from interview panelists, and this, following other disappointments (over undp, global xchange, summa cum laude, natatanging mag-aaral, best thesis) prompting renewed feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt and a day or two (maybe three?) of spasmodically turning on the waterworks. 3. death of phone cum organizer cum handy-dandy e-journal, a treasure trove of three years’ worth of memories, of cherished messages from cherished people, poetry and prose fragments, contact numbers and other important data — all rendered irretrievable. 4. plan to go to cagayan de oro to have long-desired vacation never taken in the flurry of election campaign volunteerism, graduation preparations, program applications, and swift induction into workforce which consumed the past months trashed as an “unnecessary want” by mother who spends every night playing bingo using money she does not earn; move to purchase a new cellphone worth barely a third of a month’s salary to replace the irreparable one similarly dissed. 5. obligation to read 200 pages of absolute drivel, and not even the it’s-so-bad-it’s-good sort at that — a pointless exercise in endurance to BS if there ever was one. -- i'll be leaving multiply soon. not completely, but i'm in the process of moving my primary blog elsewhere. all these ads are bugging me. multiply's become an online mall. seesh. 
the papers all gathered, piled, filed, scrutinized
and the months of waiting come to this: you were not chosen.
thank you for your interest—the insights you expressed—voice breaking in passion
for that we give you notice: you were just not good enough.
thank you for your trust in our judgment.
should you need clarification about this rejection, don’t hesitate to call us
and let us count to you the ways— they lead to this: a blue star inked on white wrist
the sharpness of the pen against thin skin
cold needlepoint
the calm of it, the numbness of it
control and catharsis without a tattoo’s searing finality and after a while you smudge it with tears
you douse it with alcohol and set it on fire
or you let it stay and fade away—the picture, the dream, the memory
all melting into a purple bruise vaguely shaped like a star. you’re a star!
you’re a star!
so the goddess tells you.
you don’t believe her. you’ve smeared the mark away. in lieu of a proper blog entry (too busy to blog now, eh? chos), have this poem i've been digging for a week now. everytime i read it i find something new. it's longish yes, but it packs so much. <3 so many "quotable lines" but the haunting is in the details. -- If Briefly by Allen Edwin Butt Sometimes in time’s near unassailable sangfroid there is a thawing & the memory asserts its musicality again
reminds one that it is at heart heart’s artificer
* * * Somewhere in Okinawa there are stairs “My husband is the only constant in” are concrete stairs that lead one (or at least led me, age six) near straight from top to bottom of a cliff face & they ended in a black-sand beach “the only constant in my life. When I was young I would have thought
I would regret it, to have wrapped myself up like a caterpillar in a man—but if my name, like his, is Vogelsang, then I must half recede with him
& only half of me is Julia. And that fades too. So call me, if you call me, Mrs. Vogelsang.” At that age, having lived before in Florida, it seemed like a miraculous affront that a beach could shuffle off the purity of sand & satisfying to have seen it after the descent of stairs at least three hundred, each laborious at six my body hardly large enough to bear its density in time— Knowing little, still I felt exhilaration that a new piece of world would stand (if briefly) out of time & therefore out of me if I am what I occupy of it . . . The body hates to be discounted in this way, says it encloses any love the heart pretends to, like the stairs, a downward tedium but still the necessary setting of the beach, as gems are set in rings that, though of precious metals, lack the brilliance of the gems & go unnoticed, though they lift the whole from what it risks— * * * “At the onset of my husband’s impotence I thought myself in part if not entirely responsible, & I ascribed the blame to our, admittedly, unsensational sex habits, to our bed not cold, perhaps, but let’s be frank a little bored with us. Therefore, thirty-eight & only just confronted with my inexperience that bordered on extended childhood, I contemplated, then resolved to take his penis in my mouth. It was not lightly I decided this. I am, perhaps, anachronistic—though no prude, my husband & I, if you will excuse vulgarity, fucked constantly when young & not infrequently until this roadblock—but it struck me somehow as unseemly hitherto. My husband when I told him what I meant to do looked pleased, as though decorum only kept him twenty years long from requesting it. He tried to guide me as I started, both his hands like tethers not unkind to what they hold— And he was kind to me, spoke kindly as I ran my tongue across him, tasting faintly of his sweat but not unpleasant. On the whole not bad to do this, though my faith flagged somewhat as his prick lay flaccid in my mouth, its stubbornness infuriating. I could feel his disappointment, selfish maybe but no more so than is fair in love, for he, of course, was not a stranger to this act. No sense in skipping what embarrasses: I knew at least once in the time since our marriage he had been with someone else, though it had been a while by now. She had told me, long my friend & full of guilt. I told her bitterness was foreign to me (which is almost true) that she shouldn’t worry, though I’d rather that she not encourage him to seek a second tryst. Not much by then that I could do to change what they had done—& I believed at that time, as I said, I was responsible, could mend it so he’d never feel the need to cheat again. Can’t know now whether I was right, though sometimes I consider asking him—as I considered then, but as I built my courage up he stiffened. And I threw my heart into the act, as one who plows the earth with spite for it, his anger lightening his labor, that the ground break open for his putting in the seed. I will not lie fallow always though
my body rot. —the thick warmth running in my mouth like bitter salt dissolved in water, like the ocean beautiful though full of bloated fish.” * * * Looking at the ocean, it does not at first cohere the waves
seem merely limits that the eyes have introduced, imposed to force a pattern on enormity which one does not encounter often made particular —& we are in it where we cautiously avoid the undertow Time made us, time will make us till we tire of it absolutely what we are . . . & still so thin the slightest puncture tears this curtain of a body off me Then I am as one who, secretly a part, participant, of it pretends to volunteer to vanish at a state-fair magic show that claims a charm in its predictability * * * “My love consoles me greatly but is love no less for that because it is an undertaking not myself but with a bit of me in it.” * * * What I can see beyond my eyes is my invention half as much as it is real, if real means anything apart from subject to invention. Though as makers we might deign to praise this still one must admit it grows at times exhausting to remake the world in every sighting of it. I suspect you know as well as I do that desire we might feel sometime subjected to another’s presence is a sort of longing to experience the object— And sometimes we experience it, sometimes that experience is burdensome. Then we hash the matter over, celebrate the isolation one cannot alleviate through laughter, set the problem to the side. Friendship, unlike love, will not destroy us therefore is not penance. But what eases hurting also serves & can we rightly blame
the sun for what evaporates between the intervals of rain? * * * “And if my love is only my invention that is unimportant since to say I love him therefore makes it so.
To be content is to be so by choice—my friend, when she had told me that he came inside her crying choked with guilt & pleasure which we all know will intoxicate when mixed, was simply unaware that happiness is mine by right if I declare it, like the moon with our absurd flag.” * * * In Okinawa also —I cannot remember where this lies in time, before the black-sand beach or after—I awoke at two o’clock one morning, sick, unable to return to sleep, never having woken up so early, having never understood that two o’clock is full dark stretched like gauze across one corner of the earth. My father took me somewhere with him, maybe there was someone he had told he’d meet & likely told me, but my memory has found no use for it—we stood outside the car under streetlights in a parking lot near home, & while he spoke with some man wholly wiped from time I’ve known, I watched a dozen dragonflies fly circles underneath the streetlight, & I knew the time of day in which I stood was new & tried to watch the dragonflies with desperate attention, knowing two o’clock was something that existed now with being’s stony smirk. One doesn’t see these things again. [ source] this time, a reaction to an essay by florianne jimenez about public responsibility vs. over-reliance on government leaders -- ...we should strive to accomplish things outside of the government. the question is whether such individual efforts are enough. it certainly beats doing nothing, but will it ever be enough? Margaret Mead said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." but sometimes, i doubt that. sure, as you said, we should not rely on "a superhero" in the government because change, for it to be meaningful and real, must come from all of us. the problem is that, for all the lip service, not all citizens are prepared to pay the price for change, want the status quo to change, or even care. furthermore, not everyone has the same vision of what change ought to be. if there is no united vision, can change be effected? and in what direction? we must also take into account that the problems of the country, as you said, are too complex to be resolved by the "right" bet. you're right, one leader can't do it on his/her own. but i think, we need able and trustworthy leaders to wisely employ the machinery of the government to effect SYSTEMIC reforms which are necessary to address systemic problems. will our individual efforts be enough to resolve the social malaise that became ingrained in our culture, our social systems, through the centuries? imo, this is where the government and a worthy leader comes in--to engage the people and spearhead united efforts to realize a common vision through sustained systemic reforms. but until such a leader emerges, there shouldn't be anything to stop us from doing what we can to improve our country (according to how we define "national improvement" i suppose), and help cultivate a "thinking, informed public" (because really, we're not there yet). one of my friends, anna oposa, posted an entry about how all the election shenanigans in this country is getting her disappointed, disgusted, and "inching towards indifference", though she tries to hold on to optimism. i typed a longish comment to her entry cross-posted on facebook, so i thought i'd also share my thoughts here. -- ...for as long as we have traditional voters, we will have traditional politicians. granted, decent politicians who genuinely want to serve the country and are not merely consumed by greed and political ambition are hard to come by. but they do come by, these "nontraditional politicians", but when they do, they often lose, not mainly because the elections are rigged, but because we have such a stupid voting populace. and you know why? because the social systems of this country have kept so many people so ignorant for so long. i do not think our people are inherently stupid, it's just that most of us do not have access to those resources that enable us to make informed choices. kung hanggang grade school lang ang tinapos mo at walang ibang pinagawa sayo kung hindi magmemorize ng mga bagay na hindi mo naman maintindihan ang kahalagahan, matututo ka bang maging mapanuri? kung lumaki ka sa komunidad kung saan okay lang isahan ang kapwa mo para makaangat sa buhay, kung saan ang naghaharing kaisipan ay matira ang matinik at matibay, iisipin mo ba na, "ooh dapat paglingkuran ko ang aking bayan!!"? this is not to say that i think that most of our people don't care about the country. nung nag-sortie kami sa dagat-dagatan, may nakausap akong resident leader, sabi niya, gusto niyang makitang maunlad ang kanyang komunidad. pero sumusuporta siya sa mga trapo, kasi sila yung may malaking pagkakataong manalo. we need social reforms to produce intelligent citizens, but we also already need intelligent citizens to put worthy people in power who would enact those social reforms. kaloka di ba, parang chicken and the egg riddle lang! and we'd be trapped in this sort of circular dilemma if we just rely on the government. like you, the political climate of this country is getting me more and more frustrated. but instead of becoming indifferent, i suppose we should strive to accomplish things outside of the gov't. we may not have the powers that come with a gov't position, but we can still do much. WE can be the light we're looking for. :) -- this may sound "hopelessly hopeful" (as one of my facebook contacts put it), pero SHET, if we have no hope for this country, no will to try and make things better, WALA talagang mangyayari satin. let's just all migrate to a foreign land where we'll be treated as second-rate citizens, or put a gun to our heads then. isn't that what keeps us going, hope? (at least that's how it is for me.) wouldn't you rather die trying than DO NOTHING and watch everything--all our aspirations, all we've been fighting for--go down the drain? "Today is the festival of phantoms that know not when they die" -- but we must learn to make peace with ourselves and deal with our demons.
-- (“Sing the song of the moment...”) by RABINDRANATH TAGORE
VII
Sing the song of the moment in careless carols, in the transient light of the day; Sing of the fleeting smiles that vanish and never look back; Sing of the flowers that bloom and fade without regret. Weave not in memory’s thread the days that would glide into nights. To the guests that must go bid God-speed, and wipe away all traces of their steps. Let the moments end in moments with their cargo of fugitive songs.
With both hands snap the fetters you made with your own heart chords; Take to your breast with a smile what is easy and simple and near. Today is the festival of phantoms that know not when they die. Let your laughter flush in meaningless mirth like twinkles of light on the ripples; Let your life lightly dance on the verge of Time like a dew on the tip of a leaf. Strike in the chords of your harp the fitful murmurs of moments.
speech delivered during the CAL recognition rites on April 22, 2010
--
Friends and family, faculty, fellow graduates, lend me your ears. I will try to keep this short—especially for those of us of the ADD generation. I would love to make you all laugh this morning. Unfortunately, I’m not particularly gifted in the humor department. So, I guess, the best thing I can do is to say something relevant, to touch you in some way.
It’s funny how I set up relevance as an objective when what we have been studying in this college for the past four (or more) years seldom comes across to other people as relevant. While our high school batchmates went off to study engineering or accountancy or nursing, we sauntered off to the College of Arts and Letters and took up the likes of Malikhaing Pagsulat, Speech Communication, and Art Studies—to the general puzzlement of our peers and the protestations of our parents. How many times have we heard comments like “What the hell is that?” or “But what will you do after graduation, Anak? Maghihirap ka!” It’s all well and good if you took up English Studies as a pre-law course or European Languages to become some bigshot diplomat, or if you’re counting on a call center job waiting in the wings. But what about those of us who dreamed of becoming museum curators or performance artists or poets? What does the big, bad, materialistic world have in store for us?
I find it sad that in a world that judges people by the number of cars they own or the gadgets they flaunt, the sort of work we do is often considered a waste of time, a waste of brains. And in a country where not everybody can afford to read books or watch plays, or even go to college, our studies seem removed from reality, mere pastimes indulged in by the relatively privileged. Yet the things we’ve learned in this college have opened our eyes, more than anything, to our condition as a Third World country, to the systems of social inequity and oppression, to the idea that Lady Gaga can be a symbol of so many things— of postfeminism, of the American surplus economy, of how creative “plagiarism” and borrowing can produce a masterpiece, and what have you. My point is that our studies in this college have stimulated us to do away with our ideological blinders, to raise our social consciousness, to think. It made us more aware of the vast world out there and all the concerns surrounding it, and how we must learn to live for something greater than ourselves.
Some people may not look too highly on what we do because our work doesn’t always translate to tangible and lucrative products. These people—they fail to realize the transformative nature of art. Artistic creation is not a passive act. Cultural products should not be considered mere artifacts—dead and displayed on a fancy shelf. Art has the potency to drive us towards social emancipation and renewal. In a demoralized country where the highest artistic honors are given to a hack moviemaker who made billions out of sensationalist films, where people are distracted by shows like Wowowee from the abuses and the alarming political machinations of those in power, we, with our words and our stages and our critiques, we remain significant.
So I want to thank our families, who continued to support us in our chosen paths despite initial misgivings. I want to thank our professors*, who taught us that what’s more important is not the number of figures in one’s paycheck but the sense that what we do has meaning, that what we do has worth beyond any monetary standard. And I want to thank our friends for all the discussions, the arguments, the experiences that we went through together that opened our minds and broadened our horizons.
Some of us may go on to become lawyers, bankers, the next big star. After all, as we are often told, we can be anything. Some of us may go on to become teachers, journalists, translators, struggling artists. But wherever we may go from here, let us not leave behind the lessons we’ve learned in CAL. Let it never be said that culture and the arts are irrelevant. And let us not render meaningless what the novelist Chaim Potok said when his mother urged him to become a brain surgeon to save lives and earn loads of cash instead of becoming a writer. I quote him, “Mama, I don't want to keep people from dying; I want to show them how to live!”
Thank you.
--
* professors may jurilla, judy ick, rhodora ancheta, carlos aureus, thelma arambulo, neil garcia, anna sanchez, chingbee cruz, anna de ocampo, frances abao, raymond falgui, mykel andrada, chei billedo, lea domingo, and others i have not had the fortune to study with
-- i was supposed to quote Nicanor Perlas, but they had me take that part out because apparently even mentioning a political candidate's name in commencement ceremonies is against some comelec directive or something. i didn't want to make a mockery of nick's position on upholding electoral laws so i decided to just edit the speech.
anyway, this quote was supposed to have been included in the 4th paragraph, before the sentence that starts with "In a demoralized country...": “Culture has the power to transform. Many of the problems in the country are basically problems of mindsets rooted in the past, rooted in habits, rooted in drives. Culture and arts … are … essential in the renewal of Philippine society.”
-- acknowledgments! bakit ba! minsan lang 'to!XD
thanks to ma'am ick, for everything i've learned in our english 191 discussions and her interview with anna oposa is the biggest reason why this speech turned out the way it is. you, ma'am, are an inspiration. thanks to my buddeh, dana, who forwarded the chaim potok quote more than a year ago. it has since been one of my mantras.
thanks to bo for proofreading the speech! aside from the people in charge of the grad ceremony, siya lang nakabasa nung speech before i delivered it. haha!
thanks to my batchmates for the moral support and for laughing at the right moments though i did not bribe them to. ily! congrats to us! good luck din satin sa paghahanap ng trabaho! wah!XD joined a campaign sortie for nicanor perlas today. every time i go on a sortie, i start all cheerful (hey i should smile, nobody likes a scowling volunteer) and fresh and lively, but at the end of the day i feel more depressed and tired rather than accomplished. (the rain didn't help my mood)
we toured around caloocan city and focused on dagat-dagatan. when you see poverty on TV, you take it for granted, you take it as a fact of life in a third world country, with our corruptions, with our social inequality, with all our dirt. but when you gag on the stink, when you step in the mud, when you see kids shitting on the street and mothers stooped over their washboards beating the hell out of their laundry amidst piles of garbage,then poverty becomes appallingly real.
but what appalled me weren't so much the surroundings, but those people who refused to listen or threw what you worked for away or played you around and made fun of you or sneered at you and mocked you because you didn't come there to buy votes.
i used to be (and sometimes still am) a selfish bitch caught in the mire of my existentialist angst, but sir nick (and my other mentors) inspires me to have faith in a better future for our country, to get out of the comfort of my room and my books and my movies and my computer and actually write and do shit that i think matters, but when i go around and talk with people, i end up wondering why i even bother to work this hard and help raise consciousness when the lot of them don't even fucking care about the country. no, scratch that, some of them don't even care about raising themselves up. it's really depressing, especially when i consider that maybe, maybe they've gotten sick of trying to raise themselves up from their sordid conditions, gotten sick of caring, and found that there is less insanity, less disappointment, less despair, in their adopted apathy.
and yes i'm pretty pissed, but i realize that i'm not pissed at them, i'm pissed at the conditions that led them to be that way. so yes, i will continue to struggle against my own selfishness and apathy and try to alleviate those conditions that confine and oppress so many of our people--but that won't stop me from bitching. ang sagot sa kanyang tanong na "given na kulelat si Perlas. do you think it would be better to vote for a candidate na mas may fighting chance? kasi for example, maybe effective ang vote ko kung si perlas, pero would [it] be efficient? Magmamatter pa ba siya? Just a thought [l]ang naman."
i was actually planning to write an essay over the weekend about this concern, which, as i see it, is a conflict between idealism and pragmatism. but since i've already written a rather long reply to this, i'll just repost my answer here.XD i'll order this into something more artful when i'm ready to write the second part of this essay.
--
anyway. when people learn that i'm campaigning for perlas, they say that i'm campaigning for a dream, that there is no way in hell he's gonna win. call me idealistic, pero sakin kasi ganito: i want to vote for someone i truly believe in, not for someone i think has a fat chance of winning. sabong ba ang eleksyon? well, dito parang oo, pero di baaaa. HINDI DAPAT. para sakin, mas sayang pa yun kesa kung binoto mo na lang yung gusto mo talaga, kahit pa sabihing wala siyang pag-asa. pano kung isandaang libo pala kayong nag-iisip niyan? tas kung di niyo inisip yan, magkaka-pag-asa sana siya?
we're always complaining about never having a real choice, about always having to settle for the lesser evil. when i registered to vote, i wondered if the 13 hours i spent lining up would go to waste, if i'd just opt to abstain for lack of a genuine choice. but nooo. so i count myself lucky to be able to make this choice with conviction.
if we always think about the limitations and practicalities of the matter, wala talagang mangyayari satin. kung pipiliin nating mag-jaywalk kesa tumawid sa overpass, maglagay kesa makunan ng lisensya, itapon ang candy wrapper sa daan kesa maghanap ng trash can, wala talagang mangyayari satin.
when did we start giving up on the ideal and start settling for something unsatisfactory just because it is easily accessible? what is this mindset doing to us as a people, what is it doing to our country?
pano kung tanggalin ng mga tao sa isip nila yung ideya na sayang lang ang boto kay perlas kasi kulelat siya sa surveys? kasi wala siyang TV ads? kasi 500 thousand pesos nga lang hirap na hirap i-raise? pano kung ang inisip ng mga tao eh panalo yung vision niya? maganda platform niya? extensive ang experience niya? may integrity siya?
i know he prolly won't win, not by a long shot, not when people seem to be won over by flashy ads or nostalgia for a household name. but you know what, i don't care. what i want to focus on now is raising awareness about him, hoping that maybe, maybe, people will hear and people will care. and even if he doesn't win, i won't consider his efforts, our efforts, wasted. let's just continue to plod on, raise awareness, keep setting precedents. maybe someday, people like him will actually have a big chance of winning.
iniisip ko nga minsan, siguro pag hindi nanalo si perlas, yun ay dahil di pa tayo handa. di pa handang magbago, di pa handang lumabas sa kahon ng ating pag-iisip. kahit naman manalo siya, wala ring mangyayari kung hindi tayo lahat willing magbago. yun naman ang point niya eh, change cannot come from him alone or from the government alone. tali-tali yan, government, economic system, culture. for example, at the risk of sounding simplistic, progress is impeded by corruption in our government institutions, linked to economic inequality (ehem sociopolitical dynasties ehem), perpetuated by a neoliberal, neocolonial mindset. (hindi naman ako gumugulong-gulong dito sa slippery slope di ba?)
i guess it boils down to this: do you care more about statistics and feasibility, or do you care more about ideals? (shet! tayo ang youth! di ba dapat idealistic tayo? kung pati tayo eh cynical na, ano nang mangyayari satin! nakakalurkey isipin!) written for our Geol 1 class under Dr. Rodolfo Tamayo. Section on Villar written mostly by Mae; section on Gibo written mostly by Julienne; the rest, I wrote.
-- Pushing for a Green President By Kristine Marie T. REYNALDO, Rosalyn Mae P. STO. DOMINGO, and Julienne Regina M. VILLAMOR
In a country plagued by such grave problems as poverty and corruption, one might wonder why we should make a big deal out of demanding that the contenders for the country’s top political post push for environmental agenda. Yet such a perspective overlooks the fact that national development is strongly linked to ecology, and that environmental concerns underlie even issues relating to poverty and corruption, as seen in the lack of developments in disaster-stricken areas and the politicizing of environment-related projects, from relief operations for typhoon victims, to the Bataan Nuclear Power Plant. We are currently confronting the effects of climate change, whose occurrence we, as a species, have accelerated. We now seem to experience higher temperature, rise in sea level, more frequent and intense typhoons, floods, and droughts, and other environment-related problems which result to safety and food security hazards. Add to this the other disturbances we experience for belonging in the Pacific Ring of Fire and one would see how greatly nature affects us, and how imperative it is for us to address these concerns. Yet natural disasters such as the typhoons Ondoy and Pepeng and the current dry spell have time and again shown the continued deterioration of our environment and our country's unpreparedness for the challenges of climate change, or for unexpected disturbances such as the massive earthquake which left Haiti in ruins.
In light of these, it is important for us to elect a president who will not only prioritize environmental issues, but who will also engage the public to work, collectively, for a more ecologically sound Philippines and a greener world. For that reason, this article will assess three presidential candidates--Teodoro, Villar, and Perlas--who claim to be advocates of the environment.
GIBO AND HIS GREEN TEAM
Green is the color we commonly associate with the environment, and it is the color adopted by former Department of National Defense Secretary Gilberto ‘Gibo’ Teodoro, Jr. for his political movement called the Green Team. He chose that color, however, not primarily because of an environmental advocacy, but because the color is emblematic of “the powerful energies of nature, growth, and desire to expand or increase. … Balance and a sense of order” (Barangay GT). Nevertheless, Teodore includes the environment in his list of top six priorities for the country. Though his platform emphasizes economic development, Teodoro believes that environmental sustainability should be a key point: He seeks to advance “the country’s economic development, while at the same time ensuring that through regulation, proper management and balance, within a framework of sustainability, we can pass on to the next generation the environmental resources we currently enjoy” (qtd. in Pañares).
To address ecological problems, included in Teodoro’s platform is a massive reforestation program and support for forest-dwelling communities. He also plans to push for the development of alternative sources of energy, such as biofuel. To encourage environmental efforts, Teodoro believes that incentives should be given to private companies which promote earth-friendly initiatives (e.g. paperless environment, imposition of earth bags for packing).
Considering the occurrence of natural disasters that killed thousands of people and destroyed millions worth of properties, Teodoro stresses the need to strengthen our disaster risk management institutions. He proposes that greater authority be given to Local Government Units instead of limiting it to the National Disaster Coordinating Council (NDCC) to allow for a faster response to calamities. The Green Team also points out that there should be a Disaster Risk Management Department independent of the NDCC as is the current setup, because the NDCC, which operates under the Department of National Defense, has a budget of around 92 million pesos, which is insufficient, given that the country experiences around 20 typhoons annually, plus other natural disasters such as earthquakes. To help alleviate the effects of climate change, Teodoro plans to establish a sustainable anti-climate change infrastructure, conducive to the needs of the local communities where they would installed.
Lastly, Teodoro believes that political will is the key to minimize the damages natural disasters may cause. This involves ensuring that environmental laws will be implemented, and that a comprehensive judicial reform program be advanced to address delays in the resolution of environment cases, the lack of information, stringent requirements in litigation, the lack of environmental (“green”) courts, and other barriers to environmental justice.
CHECK ON ENVIRONMENTAL EFFORTS: MANNY VILLAR
Presidential hopeful Manny Villar may not wear green, but as his relentless advertisements tell us, he has done something for the environment. Though he hesitates to call himself an environmentalist, Villar said that he has been an advocate for the environment as well as for education. According to him, many of the legislative acts he filed in Congress, like the Clean Air Act, which he co-authored and lobbied for against opposition, are related to environmental concerns. Precisely how many such acts have been passed into laws is still unknown.
Villar has been involved in planting more than a million trees to alleviate global warming and supporting urban greening programs. He isn’t only about planting trees, however. His main concern about climate change is not so much environmental as socio-economic: he focuses on its negative impact on food production and agriculture in general. He says, “When we talk of climate change, it is immediately linked to the environment. It creates a chain reaction however and there are areas that get adversely affected. These include the people’s health, the agriculture sector, which in turn affects the supply of food. It is crucial to focus on these and act accordingly” (mannyvillar.com). Thus, he filed several bills and resolutions that deal primarily with the effects of climate change on various sectors. His recently filed Senate Resolution 1520, for instance, aims to institutionalize crop forecasting, agro-meteorology and other related modern agricultural tools that can be of assistance to the agricultural sector and help farmers to secure food production and mitigate the impacts of climate change, while his Senate Resolution 1194 urges the Committee on Environmental and Natural Resources to conduct inquiries about the measures employed by the government regarding disaster management.
Aside from these, he is also involved in river rehabilitation projects such the one in Las Piñas, which he claims is the most successful local river rehabilitation project in the country so far. Should he be elected, he plans to support the development of local technologies to reduce carbon emissions, address urban waste management by developing the countryside and relocating people to suburbs, and oppose the revival of the Bataan Nuclear Plant because the country cannot afford its maintenance.
THE ENVIRONMENTAL LEADER, NICANOR PERLAS
Nicanor Perlas may not rank high in current presidential surveys, but he surely outruns his rivals in caring for ecology. Best known for being an environmental activist, he has been the recipient of numerous recognitions for his socially-relevant environmental efforts, the most notable being the UN Environmental Program Global 500 “Earth Warrior” Award, the William F. Masterson S.J. Agriculture Award, the Outstanding Filipino (TOFIL) Award, and the Right Livelihood Award (also known as the "Alternative Nobel Prize"). He has also chaired the Philippine Sustainable Agriculture Coalition, the Green Forum, and the Civil Society Counterpart Council for Sustainable Development.
Behind these prestigious-sounding awards and positions, however, is a lifetime of arduous work and tough idealism.
Recognizing the need to improve the agricultural sector, he took an undergraduate degree in Agriculture and a masters degree in Botany, and went on to assist thousands of poor farmers in over 23 provinces in shifting away from chemical-intensive farming, thus helping them not only to save money but also to put an end to destructive and un healthy farming practices. He supported sustainable agriculture and was first to demonstrate the feasibility of large-scale commercial organic/biodynamic vegetable and rice production. He also advocated a more ecological approach to pest management in agriculture, and worked to restrict or ban the use of 32 pesticide formulations hazardous to vegetation and human health, directly benefiting over 100,000 farmers and indirectly and positively affected the practices of several hundreds of thousands more. He helped put a stop to the completion of the Bataan Nuclear Power Plant, preventing this project from potentially polluting 1/3 of the Philippines with harmful radioactive materials and harming the lives of millions of Filipinos.
In the face of globalization and nature-damaging consumerism and rampant expansionism, he advocated for sustainable development and convinced not only the Ramos government but also the other heads of states belonging to the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) to adopt this paradigm. He also drafted Philippine Agenda 21 (PA21), which remains the blueprint for sustainable development to this day.
Proving his leadership in the environmentalist scene, he was chosen as one of the Philippines’ NGO delegates to the 1992 Earth Summit. Despite being accused of fear-mongering , he warned us early on of climate change and the disasters it would bring, like global warming and supertyphoons.
Given the significance Nicanor Perlas accords to nature, it is no wonder that upholding “the integrity of creation” is the third pillar of his six-pillar platform. See, Perlas, unlike other candidates, does not talk about environmental rehabilitation or sustainability in broad, vague terms. His platform (http://www.nicanor-perlas. com/Nicanor/complete-platf orm2.html) outlines clear, detailed measures through which he hopes to stop environmental degradation and achieve genuine sustainable growth and enable us to live in harmony with nature. Thus he affirms that the environment is the country’s life source, and thus national development must also be rooted in ecological balance.
CONCLUSION
After examining the contributions of the above candidates to the advancement of environmental agenda and evaluating them based on their evident environmental consciousness, the work they have already accomplished, the impact of their projects, and the plans they still intend to realize as stated in their platforms, the writers conclude that Nicanor Perlas best deserves to be called the “green” presidential candidate for his long-term and active participation in, and spearheading of, environmental campaigns, the concrete results these campaigns engendered, his shaping of national and international policies, and the sheer amount of people he has directly helped and influenced—and all without the advantage of being a government official. Villar comes in second for the relevant bills he has filed and the environmental projects in which he participated, projects that did forward environmental causes but were not as far-reaching as that of Perlas’. Teodoro ranks third because he has relatively little experience in, and concrete contributions to, environmental movements.
References Antiporda, J. (2010, February 28). Teodoro, Gilberto Jr. “Gibo”. The Manila Times. Retrieved March 9, 2010 from http://www.manilatimes.net
Chua, R.S. (2009, December 29). Get to Know Nicanor Perlas. Philippine Online Chronicles. Retrieved March 12, 2010 from http://www.thepoc.net/blogwatch-features/3404-get-to-know-nicanor-perlas.html
Deen, J.M.G. (2009, July 17). Senator Manny Villar’s stand on environmental issues and other concerns. Gannsdeen.com. Retrieved March 9, 2010 from http://www.gannsdeen.com/2009/07/17/senator-manny-villars-stand-on-environmental-issues-and-other-concerns/
De Leon, A.B. (2009, December 21). GREEN TEAM supports GIBO TEODORO: Our stand on the Environment. Barangay GT. Retrieved March 9, 2010 from http://barangaygibo.blogspot.com/2009/12/green-team-supports-gibo-teodoro-our.html
Manrique, M. (2009, December 28). 20 Reasons Why I'm Campaigning for Nicanor Perlas to be the Next Philippine President. Filipinowriter.com. Retrieved March 12, 2010 fromhttp://filipinowriter.com/20-reasons-why-im-campaigning-for-nicanor-perlas-to-be-the-next-philippine-president
Pañares, J.P. (2010, February 24). Teodoro fans launch million-tree project. Manila Standard Today. Retrieved March 9, 2010 from http://www.manilastandardtoday.com
Perlas, N. (2009, June 11). Nicanor Perlas' Personal Decision to Serve His Country. Ordinary People, Ordinary Day. Retrieved March 12, 2010 from http://yourordinaryday.blogspot.com/2009/06/nicanor-perlas-personal-decision-to.html
Perlastayonglahat. (n.d.). Retrieved March 12, 2010 from http://www.nicanor-perlas.com
Renewing the Filipino Spirit: The Sulong Pilipinas Platform. (n.d.). Barangay GT. Retrieved March 9, 2010 from http://sites.google.com/site/barangaygreenteam2010/platform
Villar Focuses on Effects of Climate Change on Food, Agriculture. (2009, December 23). Mannyvillar.com.ph. Retrieved March 16, 2010 from http://www.mannyvillar.com.ph/blog.php?blog=210
Villar Calls for a Review of National Disaster Preparedness Programs. (2009, September 2). Senate of the Philippines. Retrieved March 16, 2010 from http://senate.gov.ph/press_release/2009/0902_villar1.asp i am not sad, only pissed.XD
-- BLUEBIRD by Charles Bukowski
there’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too tough for him, I say, stay in there, I’m not going to let anybody see you.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he’s in there.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too tough for him, I say, stay down, do you want to mess me up? you want to screw up the works? you want to blow my book sales in Europe?
there’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too clever, I only let him out at night sometimes when everybody’s asleep. I say, I know that you’re there, so don’t be sad. then I put him back, but he’s singing a little in there, I haven’t quite let him die and we sleep together like that with our secret pact and it’s nice enough to make a man weep, but I don’t weep, do you?
Nicanor Perlas' campaign is not fueled by money. He's not filthy rich like, say, Villar ( who's spent an estimated 150 milliion on TV ads alone), and for this reason, for the lack of guns, goons, and gold--the machinery which is a staple in traditional Philippine politics--he was disqualified, labelled a "nuisance" candidate. A worldwide campaign however, put him back in the race, defying the country's accustomed electoral practices and daring the people to stand up and cast off the confining notion of winnability and reach for what seems to be impossible, because it is "idealistic", because it is a surprising glimmer to our eyes so accustomed to blackness.
Yes, Nick may not have that much money. But he has understanding, he has vision, and he has a clear and concrete plan of how to achieve his goals for the country. And he is not alone. Instead of millions of pesos, Nick has thousands of supporters and volunteers who, though unpaid, tirelessly work to raise awareness about him and his advocacies. But these volunteers don't just have their heads stuck in the clouds, too drunk on the ideal to care about the practical. They know that the odds against Nick's bid are great--they know because they are constantly struggling against these odds. But they struggle. They push on. That Nick's campaign is a volunteers-fueled one bespeaks his ability to rouse us from our pessimism and to get us off our butts to organize events, design posters and flyers, write essays, talk to people, and garner more support, because, by golly, Nick needs it.
Nick's campaign is founded on the notion that change cannot come from him alone. Change--for it to be more than empty promises, for it to be real--must come from all of us. He can only spearhead reform. In the end, it is us who must choose whether we shall respond to this call for progress or stay, comfortably, within our complacent cynicism.
Let's show that citizen initiative can trump traditional politics, that the lack of money need not cause the death of ideals.
Help meet the 500K Challenge Fund!
-- MEET THE CHALLENGE WITHIN The P500T Challenge Fund
Dear Pearls,
Tayong lahat ang magababago ng Pilipinas. To help realize this, we are all called to lay down our stake to support the presidential campaign of Nick Perlas.
By raising P500T by March 30, we will double a pledge of P500T to P1M!
We have already raised P71,059.10. We only have to raise P428,940.90. It only takes at least P100 from each volunteer, supporter and every generous spirit to meet the challenge that this campaign is asking from all of us.
From the Nick Perlas Facebook Fan Page alone, we have almost 5,000 fans so this should be very easy. We have friends and family here and abroad who are more than willing to share. Together we can do this!
We have made it easy for you to share what you can:
1. Deposit through any of the following Bank Accounts
BPI (Bank of the Philippine Islands), Kamuning Branch Account Name: Center for Alternative Development Initiative (CADI) Account Number: 3143-4683-04
PNB (Philippine National Bank), UP Diliman Branch Account Name: Angelie Alonzo Account Number: 393-646-8000-17 Checking Account
BDO (Banco de Oro), SM North Edsa C Branch Account Name: Angelie Alonzo Account Number: 40-500-540-03 Savings Account
BPI Family Savings Bank (BPI Family Savings Bank) Makati Head Branch Account Name: Angelie Alonzo Account Number: 6006-5803-41 Savings Account
2. Donate through your cell phone
Globe G-Cash 1. Just type AMOUNT<space>4-digit PIN 2. Send to 2882+09175388630
Smart Money 1. Go to SMART Menu and select SMART MONEY. 2. Select Transfer, press OK. 3. Select Others, press OK. 4. Enter SMART Money Account #: 5299671176288105 5. You will receive a prompt message, press OK. 6. Select the account to be debited, press OK. 7. Enter the amount you would like to send, press OK. 8. You will receive a prompt message to confirm your transaction, press OK. 9. Enter W-PIN, press OK. 10. You will receive a confirmation message of your transaction.
3. Donate through Paypal at the Nick Perlas Website Go to http://www.nicanor-perlas.com/2010/donate-for-a-new-philippines.html Click on the Paypal link Fill up needed information in the online donation form.
4. Donate at the Nick Perlas Volunteers’ Headquarters Everyday, from 9 am to 7 p.m. the HQ is open for your donations. There is an official clear box when you can drop your donation. The HQ is located at Unit 4, The Merchant Square Bldg., 1386 E. Rodriguez Sr. Ave., corner Mabolo St., Barangay Mariana, Quezon City. Call 433-4838 for more details.
We can make it possible. Patunayan nating tunay ngang…
Maraming salamat,
GIL ALONZO Head, Fundraising Team
because i'm currently eating chocolate, have a chocolate poem!XD matthew dickman wrote this poem to trade it with a box of chocolates. anyone wants me to draw or write something for them in exchange for chocolates too?XD
Vulva-Shaped Bonbons by Matthew Dickman
for Lagusta Yearwood
The kitchen of Le Pigeon is empty but for the ghosts of Bordeaux and pork bellies, a dark black cherry sauce. I’m walking home through a district of porches and tea-lights lighting up backyards and living rooms. People must love each other here. Have you ever stayed up drinking all night and in the morning wake up feeling like the Irish Republican Army found out you voted for Home Rule, pushed you in a van while you slept, and woke you up by cracking your head open with a metal pipe? I keep thinking that my life would be better if I ended up in an abbey with a wooden bowl and a wooden desk to eat and sleep on. I was feeling alone and miserable when the chocolates Lagusta sent arrived in a big white box. Peanut butter cups and triangles full of coconut and cream, little spicy ones made with peppers like a Lorca poem. After the first one melted over my tongue it was all blue stockings flashing through the grass and springtime though it’s January, ridiculous horn sections and string quartets. The chocolates are amazing! One minute you’re listening to Leonard Cohen, looking around the house for a razor you can run along your arm without the worry of fainting, and the next your mouth is full of vulva-shaped bonbons, you’re speaking French, writing apologies to all the women you’ve kissed, cutting everything red into the shape of a heart, breaking like a storm and then forming again into a kind of brave, beautiful, parade.
para sa mga nage-existentialist angst/quarter life crisis. :p
[What horror to awake at night] BY LORINE NIEDECKER
What horror to awake at night and in the dimness see the light. Time is white mosquitoes bite I’ve spent my life on nothing.
The thought that stings. How are you, Nothing, sitting around with Something’s wife. Buzz and burn is all I learn I’ve spent my life on nothing.
I’m pillowed and padded, pale and puffing lifting household stuffing— carpets, dishes benches, fishes I’ve spent my life on nothing.
Read the presidentiables' platforms! WAG TAMAD! If you want to have a WORTHY leader, be a WORTHY constituent yourself. Wala kang karapatang magreklamo sa hindi maayos na pamumuno kung hindi mo rin inayos ang pagkilatis sa mga kandidatong iboboto mo.
Isa pa, masayang magbasa ng mga plataporma ng mga politiko! Kitang-kita ang mga may malinaw na plano sa bayan at may sinusunod na prinsipyo at ideolohiya, at halata naman ang mga nangga-gago o magulo o sadyang tanga lang. May mga plataporma kasi diyan na tila 'di man lang pinag-isipan. *ubo ubo*
Bago pa to mauwi sa matinding panenermon o kung ano pa man, eto na yung links. PLEASE SHARE!
I haven't finished reading all the platforms (haven't read Reyes', Madrigal's, Estrada's, and Villanueva's yet) but once I do, I'll post a review of their platforms.
So far, I like Nicanor Perlas' platform the best. He presents a vision of the Philippines and of the Filipinos that I can truly be proud of. It is a vision I will gladly strive for; his advocacies, with his insistence on a COLLECTIVE and national effort for change, his valuing of culture, and his emphasis on sustainable and socially-involved development, are worth supporting. He doesn't just give us vague formulas and empty promises, however. He clearly lays down how he proposes to achieve his goals—which is more than I can say for a lot of the other candidates, especially the more popular ones who mask their lack of concrete plans with shallow, flashy ads.
Noynoy Aquino's "platform" for instance, looks like it was written in under 15 minutes. He talks about "transformational leadership" in very vague terms, and doesn't even propose any strategy to achieve his goals or his vision of "transformational leadership." How can he transform the corrupted system of governance in this country when he doesn't even seem to know what, exactly, he wants to transform it into, or how he plans to go about it?
Gordon's "platform" is another vague document. I'd say it was written in under 20 minutes. It contains 10 declarations of what he wants to accomplish (phrased in rather abstract terms) but he hardly offers any feasible solutions. Actually I find his declarations shallow. For instance, he says, "We can build a STRONG AND GROWING ECONOMY if we all work, save, and invest in order to prosper," and that's it. WHAT? First of all, what does he mean by a "strong, growing economy"? Our economy, according to our GDP, is growing. Yet the unemployment rate has risen, the poverty sector has grown. The growth of the economy benefited only the small group of the very rich who owns companies and other investments. Is this the sort of "growing economy" he wants? Secondly, does he really believe that if we just "work, save, and invest," we'll all get rich? What about the mall saleslady who works standing all day in her high heels and earns 150 pesos/day, does he think, after the cost of travel, food, her little brother's baon, the make-up she is mandated to wear, and other expenses, does he think she still has money left to save or much less invest?
What I find infinitely frustrating and irritating is that most of these candidates fail to address or even acknowledge the greater social, economic, and political structures which underlie the problems of this country. How can they lay down solutions when they don’t even seem to have an understanding of these deep-seated problems and the systemic solutions that they require? These solutions are necessarily drastic, sweeping, and therefore cannot be achieved in the space of a single term, or indeed, a single lifetime, but they must be initiated by whoever takes the country’s top political post. Thus this leader must have VISION and UNDERSTANDING to spearhead long-term projects and ensure their follow-through, but sadly, that is not what we see in most of these candidates who promise the people that they can single-handedly transform the nation in the space of six years.
But this is turning into a rather long essay and I did not mean to write one just yet! I only meant to post the links. Sorry, got carried away.XD But I WILL write a review of their platforms, and condense/annotate that of Nicanor Perlas because it seems to me the most worthy of being shared. Hear that? Hear that, school? So end already!XDD The girl who walks the streets at 10 pm, peddling strings of sampaguita, will not sleep tonight. At the end of the streets and the dark is home, but home does not mean solace or rest. Home means buckets of white flowers to string for next day’s sale, it means her neighbors’ laundry, it means the overdue homework she must accomplish in the hour between ironing and preparing her siblings’ next meal bought on credit from the nearby sari-sari store. Home is the hundred obligations her mother and father should undertake but don’t because they are both drug addicts and are hardly ever there, and so, the girl, about ten, must assume the roles of mother, father, and big sister, breadwinner and student, when all she wants to be is a child with a future to look forward to. This is not melodrama, this is reality.
-- Up the street, on a footbridge, hangs a great banner bearing a politician’s outsized face and words of slavish gratitude for the construction of the bridge. Thank you, oh Madam Ruler, for this footbridge, thank you, thank you—as if the people were indebted to their public servant for spending their money on projects and tasks they hired her to accomplish. The politician’s inflated head with her smug, toothy grin looks ludicrous, as do the words that accompany it, but nobody laughs. This is not comedy, this is tragedy.
-- WE WILL NOT FORGET NOVEMBER 23, declares a faded poster on a gray lamppost. We will not forget the 57 dead, the mothers and sisters, the journalists and lawyers, the innocents unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, the 57 shot point-blank, beheaded, mutilated, buried alive in a big muddy pit with their crushed cars, slaughtered because they posed a threat to the lord of the land. This is not sensationalism, this is fact.
-- “Culture of violence”, “culture of impunity” have been repeated and reprinted and reiterated so many times that they have lost their sting. In a society where government officials are expected to be corrupt, where dissenting voices are silenced, where movers for change must cower in fear, and when they do not, are ignored or oppressed or labeled outlaws and killed, outrage has more and more become a difficult emotion to incite. The people are used to it and they are tired of it and to stay sane they must deaden their senses to it, look the other way, pretend not to hear.
-- Who will save this country?
The nationwide search for the next president has begun and nine hopefuls have stepped up, drowning the people in a deluge of TV ads, posters, videos, websites, flyers, fanpages, jingles.
Vote for the man who used to swim in a sea of garbage but now travels in the luxury of his private jet. He will rid the country of poverty (he says); as he secured his own seat atop the great pyramid of cash, so can he ensure prosperity for over 90 million people—as if it were only too easy for him to turn a triangle into a square.
Vote for the scion of socio-political royalty. He will rid the country of corruption (he says), and (says the media queen, his sister) just look at his slate! More than ten years in public office and still untarnished! Just ignore the dearth of accomplishments here (does that really matter?), the smudge of an unresolved massacre there (oh, but that’s nothing!), and see GENUINE CHANGE reflected in those spectacles barely reminiscent of his mother’s and father’s.
Who will save this country?
I will! I am religion. I will! I am intelligence and capability. I will! I am your rightful president, unfairly toppled, unjustly jailed!
And the candidates set themselves up as messiahs, the lamb chops of god to the despairing, starving throng, promising that they, and they alone, can revive the nation. And the people sing the candidates’ viral tunes, swallow their promises, and let themselves be washed away by the torrent of ads, the bright smiles and pretty words, because they know nothing of basic marketing.
-- I will vote for him because he has a fat chance of winning, says one constituent.
I will vote for him because he shook my hand and bopped most winsomely at one of his campaign rallies.
I won’t vote for him because he is old and ugly—look at those wrinkles, the crow’s feet that turn his eyes into slits! That is the look of a corrupt politician!
And the constituents debate the virtues of botox for their presidential bet, because, indeed, the political arena is a cockpit for stately fowl, it is the stage of a 24/7 variety show. The art of politics is the art of show business, because the people long for progress, for change, but they do not demand platform or policy, because they are used to feeding on daydreams. Reality is too costly, and not all are prepared to pay the price.
-- The child who walked the streets at 10 pm is now home, doing her homework by the light of a low candle while her siblings slept on barely filled bellies. She still believes that education will one day get rid of the buckets of white flowers and their sickening scent.
-- In the dark, on the footbridge, somebody rips off the banner of the grinning politician.
-- The 57 dead have been immortalized, in poems and stories, essays and Wikipedia entries. The prime suspect is behind bars. And though the buzz about the massacre is not as great as it was before, the people have not forgotten.
i love margaret atwood. i wish we studied canadian literature in anglo-am!
Marrying the Hangman by Margaret Atwood
She has been condemned to death by hanging. A man may escape this death by becoming the hangman, a woman by marrying the hangman. But at the present time there is no hangman; thus there is no escape. There is only a death, indefinitely postponed. This is not fantasy, it is history.
*
To live in prison is to live without mirrors. To live without mirrors is to live without the self. She is living selflessly, she finds a hole in the stone wall and on the other side of the wall, a voice. The voice comes through darkness and has no face. This voice becomes her mirror.
*
In order to avoid her death, her particular death, with wrung neck and swollen tongue, she must marry the hangman. But there is no hangman, first she must create him, she must persuade this man at the end of the voice, this voice she has never seen and which has never seen her, this darkness, she must persuade him to renounce his face, exchange it for the impersonal mask of death, of official death which has eyes but no mouth, this mask of a dark leper. She must transform his hands so they will be willing to twist the rope around throats that have been singled out as hers was, throats other than hers. She must marry the hangman or no one, but that is not so bad. Who else is there to marry?
*
You wonder about her crime. She was condemned to death for stealing clothes from her employer, from the wife of her employer. She wished to make herself more beautiful. This desire in servants was not legal.
*
She uses her voice like a hand, her voice reaches through the wall, stroking and touching. What could she possibly have said that would have convinced him? He was not condemned to death, freedom awaited him. What was the temptation, the one that worked? Perhaps he wanted to live with a woman whose life he had saved, who had seen down into the earth but had nevertheless followed him back up to life. It was his only chance to be a hero, to one person at least, for if he became the hangman the others would despise him. He was in prison for wounding another man, on one finger of the right hand, with a sword. This too is history.
*
My friends, who are both women, tell me their stories, which cannot be believed and which are true. They are horror stories and they have not happened to me, they have not yet happened to me, they have happened to me but we are detached, we watch our unbelief with horror. Such things cannot happen to us, it is afternoon and these things do not happen in the afternoon. The trouble was, she said, I didn’t have time to put my glasses on and without them I’m blind as a bat, I couldn’t even see who it was. These things happen and we sit at a table and tell stories about them so we can finally believe. This is not fantasy, it is history, there is more than one hangman and because of this some of them are unemployed.
*
He said: the end of walls, the end of ropes, the opening of doors, a field, the wind, a house, the sun, a table, an apple.
She said: nipple, arms, lips, wine, belly, hair, bread, thighs, eyes, eyes.
They both kept their promises.
*
The hangman is not such a bad fellow. Afterwards he goes to the refrigerator and cleans up the leftovers, though he does not wipe up what he accidentally spills. He wants only the simple things: a chair, someone to pull off his shoes, someone to watch him while he talks, with admiration and fear, gratitude if possible, someone in whom to plunge himself for rest and renewal. These things can best be had by marrying a woman who has been condemned to death by other men for wishing to be beautiful. There is a wide choice.
*
Everyone said he was a fool. Everyone said she was a clever woman. They used the word ensnare.
*
What did they say the first time they were alone together in the same room? What did he say when she had removed her veil and he could see that she was not a voice but a body and therefore finite? What did she say when she discovered that she had left one locked room for another? They talked of love, naturally, though that did not keep them busy forever.
*
The fact is there are no stories I can tell my friends that will make them feel better. History cannot be erased, although we can soothe ourselves by speculating about it. At that time there were no female hangmen. Perhaps there have never been any, and thus no man could save his life by marriage. Though a woman could, according to the law.
*
He said: foot, boot, order, city, fist, roads, time, knife.
She said: water, night, willow, rope hair, earth belly, cave, meat, shroud, open, blood.
They both kept their promises.
NOTES: Jean Cololère, a drummer in the colonial troops at Québec, was imprisoned for duelling in 1751. In the cell next to his was Françoise Laurent, who had been sentenced to hang for stealing. Except for letters of pardon, the only way at the time for someone under sentence of death to escape hanging was, for a man, to become a hangman, or, for a woman, to marry one. Françoise persuaded Cololère to apply for the vacant (and undesirable) post of executioner, and also to marry her. —Condensed from the Dictionary of Canadian Biography, Volume III, 1741-1770
almost missed today's poem because i'd been doing the laundry (yes, at almost midnight)! meh. anyway, here have a parody. i am hungry.
HamLeT's Sandwich Soliloquyby David J Nixon
With cheese or not with cheese--that is the question: Whether 'tis tastier on the buds to smother With jack or cheddar of a ripe aroma Or to spear olives with a brace of pickles And thus enhance the flavour. To bite, to eat-- No more--and by a snack to say we end The hunger, and the thousand stomach rumbles That smite our ear so. 'Tis a consumption we Hope quickly to be dished. To bite, to eat-- To eat--perchance to taste: ay there's the grub, For in that bread of life what tastes may come When we have shoveled every morsel in, Must give us gas: there's the report That makes calamity of such full fare. For who would wear the stains and spills of lunch, Th' tomato pips, the bilious attack, The pangs of hunger lost, digest's delay, The torturing of heartburn, and the spots Balsamic dressing makes upon his robe, When he himself might his luncheon take At poor MacDonald's? Who would diets bear, To skimp and fast truncating ev'ry meal, But for the dread of wind to follow The social climber's curse, from whose gust No charmer can escape, befogs the brain, And makes us rather bear the aches we have Than chomp pastrami with such spicy sauce? Thus conscience does make fasters of us all, And thus the beauty of a fresh repast Is sicklied o'er with the green cast of mould, And sandwiches both large and meaty With this regard their slices hard and dry Have lost their freshest flavour. -- Soft you now, The fair Pavlova! -- Sweet, in thy silken folds Be all my teeth embedded.
| |
